I should like to take this opportunity to apologise to my devoted legion of fans. No post, for two days! I dread to think what this must have felt like. But I’m not going to get entirely “mea culpa” on your asses.
Now, I confess that I was to blame for the first day’s dearth. I have no good excuses except that I was busy that day. You don’t need to know why.
Yesterday, though, was not my fault. On the contrary. I was all lined up for some serious blogging sexiness. But was the internet ready for that? Oh no. No it was not.
In what I can only assume was an elaborate ruse to foil my quest for followers, it decided not to exist for the day.
I’m told that it was actually to do with wind. One of the main servers was down, or unreachable, or something. What a preposterous load of shit. How the fuck could wind possibly affect the internet? Were they talking about the solar wind?
The real reason can only be this: the internet is an uppity shit.
It makes sense. We rely on it for so much, these days. It was only a matter of time before it started getting something of a God complex. And that time is now. Expect random outages. Expect it to only deliver pictures of LOLcats when you search for pussy. Expect it to flood your inbox with spam.
Oh, wait, HOLY SHIT. That’s exactly what it already does.